Episode 2
EXT. BABETTE’S HOME
BABETTE and her parents are hugging outside of their large, Second Empire-styled house. DOTTIE and DAMON have their daughter sandwiched between them.
DAMON
Be safe darling.
DOTTIE
Listen to everything Albina says.
DAMON
And stay behind Charlie.
BABETTE
I’ll be safe. I promise.
DAMON
Good. The carriage will take you to the docks alright? Lord knows if we went your mother would try to set the ship on fire.
DOTTIE
I really would.
BABETTE
I love you. I’ll see you soon!
Babette gets in the carriage and leaves.
WAITING ON A FAIRYTALE
I’ve always known that there was
something waiting
I couldn’t imagine
I’ve always known my life would
be amazing
no matter what happens
And it might be conceited
but I believe it
something’s coming towards me even
if I can’t see it
but I dream about
The signs that help us
To write our stories
And when I get lost and the
Night is stormy
I just have to tell myself
Someday they’ll find me
Till then I’ll be
waiting on a fairy tale
To happen to me
I know they’re out there
and I don’t care
How long it takes
I still believe
We grow up learning about destiny
And who we’re meant to be with
Wait for the one who’s sent from up above
Any other love just won’t compare
Of course my standards are high cause I
Have been surrounded by
Friends who show me they care for me
They’re always there for me
So when I think about the day I’ll find them
The one I’m promised
How can I help it if I get excited
Cause if I’m honest
I’ve been blessed
And I know that my friends
Would never settle for me having any less than the best
But I guess
There must be love that’s out there
That’s even stronger
When it feels like I
Can’t wait much longer
I just have to tell myself
Someday they’ll find me
Till then I’ll be
waiting on a fairy tale
To happen to me
I know they’re out there
and I don’t care
How long it takes
I still believe
EXT. DOCK
Babette stands on the dock staring ahead at Charlie’s ship. It’s majestic. The dark mahogany ship had teal sails and golden bits and bobs all over. In a worried gesture Babette plays with the ribbon of her hat.
ALBINA runs up the dock panting with a large bag over her shoulder and a suitcase in her hands.
BABETTE
You’re late.
ALBINA
Someone told Master Case that I’d be going on ‘an adventure of a lifetime’ so he made me train all night.
BABETTE
All night?
ALBINA
He showed up with two staffs and a bag of poison a few hours before sunrise.
BABETTE
How are you up right now?
ALBINA
Because you’re looking at the newest Staff Master on the island.
BABETTE
Oh congratulations Albina!
Babette hugs Albina tight.
BABETTE
Janglin jackals! You are so strong.
ALBINA
They’re called muscles, Babette. Want to feel me flex?
BABETTE
I bet you could rip your largest tome in half without breaking a sweat.
ALBINA
Ok, let's stop this.
BABETTE
Fine. You’re not fun.
ALBINA
No, I’m not. But I am a master in two weapons now.
BABETTE
Two? I thought you said it was only the staff.
BABETTE
What was the poison for?
ALBINA
Don’t worry about that right now.
BABETTE
Luckily I have other, possibly less deadly, things to worry about.
ALBINA
Like?
BABETTE
Will it be weird?
ALBINA
I don’t think I quite understand what you’re asking.
BABETTE
Being on the boat with Charlie?
ALBINA
Why would it be weird to spend time with Charlie?
BABETTE
I don’t know! That’s what she said yesterday. She kept saying ‘weird’!
ALBINA
Weird?
BABETTE
And then she went ‘everything’s different on the water’. What does that even mean?
ALBINA
She’s being the weird one. Sure going to a place that’s so ‘Charlie’ yet also a part of her we don’t know might be uncanny.
BABETTE
Nerve-wracking even.
ALBINA
But she’s our Charlie before anything else.
BABETTE
Right.Right. Our Charlie. We just need to show her ‘sailor friends’ who really knows her and--
ALBINA
Let’s reel in your inner mean girl Babette. It’s not a competition.
BABETTE
Yes it is.
CHARLIE appears from behind them.
CHARLIE
What’s not a competition?
ALBINA
We’re going to put a bell on you.
BABETTE
Why aren’t you on your boat?
CHARLIE
Ship. And I was looking for you two, you’re late.
BABETTE
Are not.
CHARLIE
You said--
BABETTE
I said an hour after lunch.
CHARLIE
But you’re always early. So being on time means being late for you. And being a little late, is actually on time for Albina. Let’s get this adventure sailing ladies.
Charlie notices Albina’s bags and takes them.
CHARLIE
What in the world is in the bags Albina? I thought all your bags were delivered last night?
ALBINA
I acquired some new things this morning.
CHARLIE
And why are they so heavy?
ALBINA
Oh they’re heavy? I didn’t notice.
Albina turns to wink at Babette who giggles.
CHARLIE
Your rooms are set up with your luggage. So if you want to unpack and settle in for a bit before supper feel free.
ALBINA
Such a gracious host.
BABETTE
I’m so proud.
They board the ship.
CHARLIE
Welcome aboard the KELPIE’S HERO.
The girls walk onto the ship.
EXT. KELPIE’S HERO
DUNCAN and ILLIANA are standing at the forecastle deck mast.
DUNCAN
Charlie’s back!
ILLIANA
And she’s brought friends!
CHARLIE
You guys, this is Duncan and Illiana. They’re part of my crew.
ILLIANA
We’re her friends.
DUNCAN
And brothers in arms.
BABETTE
Delightful.
DUNCAN
You must be Babette. Which makes you-- holy shit.
CHARLIE
Not a word.
ILLIANA
Oh, that’s damning.
Duncan walks off laughing.
ALBINA
Is it something that I didn’t say?
ILLIANA
And they say beauty like that is rarely replicated in nature.
CHARLIE
On that note. Let's get you two to your rooms. Duncan where ever you are, get this boat moving!
The sound of Duncan still laughing can be heard as Charlie ushers Babette and Albina below deck.
CHARLIE
Sorry about them, they’re a little-
ALBINA
Weird?
BABETTE
Weird?
INT. KELPIE'S HERO
Charlie leads them down a hallway to two rooms at the end.
CHARLIE
Babette on the right. Albina on the left. There are candles and lanterns in your room. Oil is beside the desk. Alright, I’m going to sort out the dudes upstairs.
Charlie turns around and runs away.
BABETTE
Dudes?
ALBINA
Uncanny.Well, I wouldn’t want to experience something so uncanny without you.
BABETTE
Really?
ALBINA
Really. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to sleep. Wake me for dinner?
BABETTE
Of course.
ALBINA
Nicely, Babette.
BABETTE
Sweetest way I know how. I promise.
ALBINA
My heart thanks you.
Albina goes into her room and closes the door.
EXT. KELPIE'S HERO
Albina and Babette stand in front of Charlie, smiling tightly, with her hands on Duncan and Illiana’s shoulders.
CHARLIE
We didn’t get off to the best start earlier.
ILLIANA
At least we didn’t try to kill them.
ALBINA
That’s a very low bar, but she’s right.
DUNCAN
As much as I love getting low with a beautiful lady like yourself, I must apologize for not properly introducing myself when we met.
He reaches to kiss Albina’s hand but Charlie smacks him away.
CHARLIE
There will be none of that.
DUNCAN
It is culturally offensive that you won’t let me kiss her hand.
CHARLIE
Moving on. I thought a tour of the ship and a chance to meet the crew before dinner would be a
nice do-over.
Duncan, why are you smiling like that? No, just show her around the boat! Here we go again…
JUST A SAILOR
Listen close
I’m gonna tell a little story
And I’m sorry folks
If you’ve heard it before
But out here on the ocean
Better open up your mind
Because you’re going to find
You gotta flow like the tide
You gotta roll with it
When the waves are crashing
Roll with it
When a storm is passing
Roll with it
When the royals navy’s asking
If you’ve given all the taxes
On the cargo inside
Do you think they’d believe that I tried
I’m just a sailor
With a tale or two
You might not believe
I know a couple of our stories
Make it seem like we’re thieves
But don’t judge a book
By all the words inside
They’re sure to hide the truth
I’ve never met a pirate
And neither have you
Remember that
Merchant ship
In distress
And everybody on board
Was hollering
SOS
So we took the haul
Which I thought was pretty generous
Cause after all
I mean our ship just isn’t endless
We didn’t have room
For the rest of crew
But the least we could do
Was to rescue the booty
I hope they don’t remember us
I’m just a sailor
With a tale or two
You might not believe
I know a couple of our stories
Make it seem like we’re thieves
But don’t judge a book
By all the words inside
They’re sure to hide the truth
I’ve never met a pirate
And neither have you
I’ve always thought art belonged
To the people
And whether or not it was bought
Wasn’t really
The mark of legality
Art shouldn’t have to be
Auctioned at price
You can keep what you find
When you sneak in at night
And then the time we came across that little town
With the most delicious rum we’d
ever found
But the casks were heavy
(Roll with it)
And they cost a pretty penny
(Roll with it)
They told us they were running out of storage space
So we thought that we could get a couple out of the way
So we came back
When the sun was down
And we snuck in
Didn’t make a sound
And we rolled those casks right
Over the ground
To where the ship was waiting
And we started sailing
So they wouldn’t have to thank us all for helping out
(Roll out of town)
I’m just a sailor
With a tale or two
You might not believe
I know a couple of our stories
Make it seem like we’re thieves
But don’t judge a book
By all the words inside
They’re sure to hide the truth
I’ve never met a pirate
What even is a pirate?I’m just a sailor
With a tale or two
You might not believe
I know a couple of our stories
Make it seem like we’re thieves
But don’t judge a book
By all the words inside
They’re sure to hide the truth
I’ve never met a pirate
And neither have you
Neither have you (shh!)
INT. KELPIE'S HERO
The group sits in the dining area eating dinner. They’re sitting at a large circular table that is rather fancy for a pirate ship. CASTLE stands in front of them with his parrot, LISA, on his shoulder.
CASTLE
Tonight I have prepared for you a braised pork loin, smoked peach chutney, and little baby steamed carrots. For our vegetarian: a salad.
CHARLIE
Thanks Castle. Thanks Lisa.
Castle and Lisa bow their heads and he walks away.
BABETTE
Are you sure you don’t--
ALBINA
This salad is all I need.
DUNCAN
I hope not all you need.
ALBINA
No, I also need to finish deciphering the book. But based on your crude, and mostly incorrect work I doubt you’d be able to help me.
DUNCAN
Hey! I’ll have you know that my tutor said I was the brightest child she was tutoring at the time.
ALBINA
Were you the only child she was tutoring?
BABETTE
That is a beautiful shirt Illiana. The print is lovely.
ILLIANA
Thank you. I made it myself.
BABETTE
Really?
ILLIANA
Yep. I found a beautiful little shop while Charlie and Duncan were off doing something dangerous.
BABETTE
So you don’t do dangerous things?
ILLIANA
We all do dangerous things just by living. Don’t you think?
BABETTE
No.
ILLIANA
That’s a pity.
BABETTE
Excuse me?
ILLIANA
That you don’t think. But yes, I do dangerous things. My dangerous tasks are just a little more refined than axes and hammers.
BABETTE
Well, are you going to tell me?
ILLIANA
Oh, I had the feeling you didn’t care.
BABETTE
That would be rude of me.
ILLIANA
Well, are you a rude person?
BABETTE
You are a strange, little thing aren’t you?
ILLIANA
So you’re only a little rude, and mostly confused. That’s ok too.
BABETTE
I’m not confused about anything you little--
ILLIANA
I’m an art thief. Duncan and Charlie like to call me a cat burglar.
BABETTE
A cat burglar?
ILLIANA
You know...
Illiana makes claws with her hands and hisses in Babette’s face.
ILLIANA
It’s little insensitive because I am in no way part cat. But they mean well.
BABETTE
So you just steal art?
ILLIANA
Yep.
BABETTE
I can’t believe I’m asking this, but any reason?
ILLIANA
The good, real art should be for the people. Not in some stuffy Lord’s house. Also, medical school is expensive.
BABETTE
Uhhh, who are you to decide that?
ILLIANA
A pirate who loves art.
BABETTE
Oh, you actually said it.
ILLIANA
Pirate?
BABETTE
Charlie won’t let herself be called that.
ILLIANA
Charlie and Duncan are too concerned in what they’re not, or don’t want to be. It’s a little sad... Self-consciousness aside, you should come to my office sometime, see my art.
BABETTE
You have an office?
ILLIANA
Where do you think I do all the pirate business?
BABETTE
Pirates have business?
ILLIANA
It’s a parchment nightmare. I recently picked up some beautiful night sky pieces I think you’d love.
BABETTE
How do you know-- Were you in my house?
ILLIANA
I just told you I go to stuffy Lord’s houses like all the time.
BABETTE
To steal their art!
ILLIANA
Mhmmmm.
BABETTE
You were going to steal from me?
CHARLIE
Hey, is everything ok over there?
BABETTE
She was sneaking around my house!
CHARLIE
Illiana no. What did we talk about before docking?
ILLIANA
The rash on Duncan’s stomach.
DUNCAN
I’m allergic to the soap we did laundry with, no other reason.
ALBINA
I really do not care about anything on your body.
CHARLIE
And I told you to stay away from the Lord of the Island’s house.
ILLIANA
Right. But I didn’t want to listen to you. And I didn’t take anything. Nothing worth taking.
DUNCAN
Dude, not the right thing to say.
ILLIANA
Sorry. Umm, I thought about taking the Jean Lucas in your parlor, but it’s a fake so... you should probably tell your parents.
CHARLIE
Moving on.
DUNCAN
So Albina, tell me, would you prefer a summer wedding or a winter wedding? I think I’m leaning towards a summer one.
ALBINA
Oh, I’ve decided I’m never getting married.
BABETTE
Not this again. This is all your fault Charlie.
CHARLIE
How is that my fault? I’m cool with marriage.
ALBINA
I believe that marriage as a concept is stupid. Before there were certificates and soulmate marks did that mean your love wasn’t real?
CHARLIE
She has a point Babette.
BABETTE
You both are ridiculous. Marriage is fun. You’re married to your best friend and get to spend the rest of your lives together. What’s better than that?
ALBINA
I don’t need be married or have a soulmate mark to do that.
DUNCAN
So it is true you don’t have a mark?
ILLIANA
Fascinating.
DUNCAN
Exotic even.
ALBINA
Uhhh.
DUNCAN
And you’ve looked everywhere?
ILLIANA
A cousin of a cousin shaved her head and found hers after growing desperate enough.
BABETTE
How terribly dreadful. At least her beau liked her short hair?
ALBINA
You told them?
CHARLIE
Of course I did. I couldn’t get people to sign up for a practically impossible voyage by saying I’m looking for The Lost Heart because my boy crazy best friend needs to find her soulmate ASAP.
ALBINA
Don’t call her that.
Albina stabs the lettuce on her plate.
CHARLIE
I thought you didn’t care anymore, you always act like it’s cool.
ALBINA
Yeah, because you told me it was.
CHARLIE
I didn’t--
ALBINA
It’s fine. Babette, pass me the chutney please.
BABETTE
There seems to be pieces of ham in it Albina, sorry.
Albina groans and stabs her salad.
INT. KELPIE’S HERO HALLWAY
Charlie paces back and forth as she mumbles to herself.
CHARLIE
Alright Charlie, you can do this. Ugh, ok. Sorry about blabbing about you not having a soulmate. I bought you a lot of tea because I think you’re amazing. Want to brew it up with me? No. Hey Ally got some tea you might like. No strings attached, unless you like strings attached??? Oh my gods, what are you talking about? Albina, I bought you tea because I love--
Albina exits the dining area.
ALBINA
You love what?
CHARLIE
Crimson Cricket. I’m going to put a bell on you.
ALBINA
Nice. We can match then.
CHARLIE
Match?
ALBINA
Because I usually say ‘I’ll put a bell on you’ when you pop up. So then, you know, we could just wear the same one. Maybe find a two for one sale at a bell shop? This joke is going nowhere.
CHARLIE
No. No. I like it. First matching necklaces, next matching outfits. What do you say?
ALBINA
No thanks. I really do prefer my vest over your trench coats. Don’t you get hot?
CHARLIE
I’m always hot.
ALBINA
Yes, probably because of those thick coats of yours.
CHARLIE
No-- I meant I’m hot because I-- y’know. I’m hot.
Never mind. Do you want to make some tea with me before your presentation? I’ve been collecting blends I thought you’d like for whenever you came aboard.
ALBINA
Oh. Thanks. A cup of tea would do me well.
CHARLIE
I kept it in my room, didn’t want anyone getting their hands on it. Come on.
Albina and Charlie make their way to Charlie’s room.
INT. CHARLIE’S ROOM
CHARLIE
They’re over there. I tried to organize them like you do back home. And I wrote where I got it from, just in case you really liked it.
ALBINA
Charlie, this is one of the reasons why I love you. You get me. And tea. Very important.
CHARLIE
Speaking of traveling.
ALBINA
Were we? I thought I was accepting whatever you’re trying to bribe me for with this well-cultivated tea collection.
CHARLIE
Not a bribe exactly. You and Babette have been going on vacation without me. When is it my turn?
ALBINA
Your turn. Those weren’t vacations. I conducted important interviews for my research.
CHARLIE
Oh really, that’s all?
ALBINA
We might have swam with a few manatees. And checked out local shopping districts. But that’s all!
CHARLIE
That’s all she says. You and me are going out when this is all over.
ALBINA
We are?
CHARLIE
Oh yeah. I can easily find cool people for you to interview. And have you ever swam with a giant catfish? It’s life changing.
ALBINA
I don’t know if we can get Babette anywhere close to that.
CHARLIE
Babette will be too busy with her perfect soulmate to care what you’re riding on.
ALBINA
It’s Babette, that’s never gonna happen. If she had it her way she’d keep the two of us in her sights always.
CHARLIE
Soulmates change things.
ALBINA
Maybe.
CHARLIE
But hey, I’m usually wrong aren’t I? And even if in some strange world I’m actually right, we’ll still have each other.
ALBINA
You and me. No soulmate and a girl who doesn’t want one. What a match.
CHARLIE
What a match indeed.
ALBINA
Oh! I brought this moonpepper infused sugar I thought you’d like. I’ll go grab it and my kettle. Meet in the kitchen?
CHARLIE
Oh, yeah. Sounds great.
Albina goes to the leave but turns to face Charlie.
ALBINA
And Charlie?
CHARLIE
Yeah?
ALBINA
I’ve always been very aware of how hot you are.
Albina laughs as she hurries to her room. Charlie flops onto the bed and covers her face.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Duncan and Illiana loiter outside of the library.
ILLIANA
I always thought it was weird that there was a library on the ship we weren’t supposed to go into.
DUNCAN
The library is whatever, but the chalkboard and podium is what stumped me. Makes sense now.
ILLIANA
Gotta make sure Charlie’s mouse can teach us to death.
Charlie rushes by them with the tea cart.
CHARLIE
You guys get in there. Albina’s going to start soon.
Illiana and Duncan enter the library.
INT. LIBRARY ROOM
Albina stands by the chalkboard with her notes stuck to it. She’s tugging at her braid as Babette talks to her.
CHARLIE
Hey, what’s the hold up?
BABETTE
Albina is a tad nervous.
CHARLIE
Oh.
ALBINA
Can’t they just read my notes? When I’m not around.
BABETTE
You love sharing educational findings!
CHARLIE
You’re the best at explaining stuff.
ALBINA
To you two maybe. I’m not good with new people.
BABETTE
There’s no need to be nervous darling.
CHARLIE
Yeah, it’s just Duncan and Illiana.
BABETTE
And it’s not like they matter. Just pretend they’re not here.
ALBINA
Ok.
CHARLIE
You’ve got this!
Babette and Charlie sit down next to Charlie’s friends. Castle and Lisa rush in with a tray of cookies.
CASTLE
Sorry we’re late, I whipped up some cookies. We’re very excited, we a love a well, thought out presentation. Isn’t that right sweetie? Isn’t that right?
CHARLIE
Castle just sit down and pass the cookies.
Lisa squawks.
CHARLIE
Sorry Lisa.
Lisa squawks.
CHARLIE
Castle.
ALBINA
It’s really not a presentation.
ILLIANA
You’re behind a podium.
ALBINA
Yes, uh, let me just grab my talking points and, uh, not do that. Ok. Hi. Charlie and Babette thought it would be a good idea for me to, uh, run through, everything. So lets get to it.
DUNCAN
Is she going to say anything?
BABETTE
Shut up.
CASTLE
Poor dear doesn’t look so good.
CHARLIE
Albina, hey, where is the Heart Island?
ALBINA
Charlie, you know it’s not called the Heart Island. The closest translation from the original text is The Gods Oasis. It’s been speculated for generations that it fell between the Rose Steps and the Sunken Ridges. And, of course, we can’t forget the plausible notion that the island moves around based on the gods whims. Which would make sense because--
CHARLIE
You just gotta get her talking.
ALBINA
Myjol, Tulsur, and Landit created the oasis as a safe haven for humanity. After it was ransacked
by Crusaders who obviously suffered a cruel but just fate, it was hidden by fog then vanished. But in their kindness to their true followers, they have left clues like this book.
DUNCAN
I haven’t seen her blink.
ILLIANA
Forget blinking, I don’t think she’s breathing.
CASTLE
Charlie told us about a wish being granted once we reached the island.
ALBINA
Not the island exactly. Once we reach the, haha, ‘heart’ of the island we’ll find the Heart.
CASTLE
Oh man. Vegetarian’s got jokes. Heart!
DUNCAN
And we just roll up to a building, hut, and ask for our greatest wishes to come true?
ALBINA
Of course not. It’s a temple, and if you actually knew how to read you would have gathered that from the book you wrongfully had your hands on. Anyway, we’ll enter the temple and there will be a peridot, or possibly garnet, well that we will drink from. Once we drink from the blessed ladle our wish will be heard and granted.
ILLIANA
The hard work is done then. We just have to get there.
ALBINA
In theory. A disaster can strike at any time.
BABETTE
Happy thoughts darling!
ALBINA
Whatever disaster strikes I’m sure we can handle! We are technically sailing into uncharted waters so a healthy dose of uncertainty is warranted.
BABETTE
Technically?
DUNCAN
The people who know what’s out there don’t feel like sharing with the rest of us.
CHARLIE
And that’s fine. We can figure it out just like they did.
ALBINA
The only snag in our plan so far is that we need a blessing.
CHARLIE
A blessing?
ALBINA
From the custodian of... the word is tricky. Maybe of dancing water circles?
DUNCAN
The Custodian of the Whirlpool?
ALBINA
You can actually read this?
DUNCAN
No no, I just know the person you’re talking about. The three of us do actually.
CHARLIE
Duncan, please don’t tell me--
DUNCAN
Oh yeah. Looks like we’re swinging by the Ruby Peninsula after all.
ILLIANA
Just in time for Esme’s party!
BABETTE
Esme?
DUNCAN
The Custodian of the Whirlpool is always a Royal Daughter of Yalsper.
BABETTE
You’re talking about Princess Esme?
ILLIANA
Is there another important Esme on the island?
BABETTE
I--
ILLIANA
I guess it depends on who you’re asking. Good point.
DUNCAN
And if you’re asking Charlie the answer is definitely no.
CHARLIE
Shut up.
ALBINA
How are we going to get an invitation, let alone an audience with her?
DUNCAN
Easy. Hey Esme! You want to do a line of shots?
BABETTE
You’re telling us you three are friends with Princess Esme?
ILLIANA
Well, I’d say Charlie is a little better friends with her.
BABETTE
Oh.
CHARLIE
It’s not like-- I mean, yes, we are, but we’re just friends. Really.
DUNCAN
Yeah, because I spend a week or two shacked up with my friends every other month.
BABETTE
Lovely, we have a plan. Now if you will excuse me, I need-- to leave.Babette stalks off.
DUNCAN
Anyone want to play a game of strip poker? Albina?
ALBINA
No thank you.
CHARLIE
Albina you have to play. Because you’re great at poker. Not for any other weird reason.
ALBINA
Sorry, maybe next time. I also have to, uh, leave. Thanks for the cookies Castle!Albina takes a handful of the cookies and leaves.
CHARLIE
She probably wants to study the book some more. What are the stakes this time?
INT. BABETTE’S ROOM
Albina walks to the other side of the boat to Babette’s room. She knocks on the door in a special pattern.
BABETTE (O.S.)
What Albina?
ALBINA
Can I come in?
BABETTE (O.S.)
Of course.
Albina opens the door to see Babette looking out of the small window.
ALBINA
Just making sure you weren’t thinking about swimming home.
BABETTE
Some of us don’t have the arms of carrying around pounds of books to do so.
ALBINA
Ah, you’re at the ‘I’m so angry, I’m going to compliment everything’ phase.
BABETTE
Proper ladies don’t insult others in public, aren’t you a genius or something?
ALBINA
As a proper lady has told me many times, my ego is too big.
BABETTE
Almost as big as your brain.
ALBINA
Thanks Betty. So let's sort you out.
BABETTE
You’ve been studying mind magics in your spare time?
ALBINA
No. But I know you well enough to take you apart and put you back together again.
BABETTE
That sounds... frightening.
ALBINA
Now tell me what’s wrong.
BABETTE
You’re being silly.
ALBINA
Would it work better if I had a pipe? Maybe a fainting couch?
BABETTE
And where would you get a pipe from?
ALBINA
I might have one.
BABETTE
Albina!
ALBINA
What? I didn’t say it was for anything nefarious.
BABETTE
Of course. Forgive me.
ALBINA
But it is.
BABETTE
Albina!
ALBINA
I’m not as boring as everyone thinks.
BABETTE
I don’t think you’re boring.
ALBINA
For sure.
BABETTE
I think... You’re reliable, and steady, and--
ALBINA
All of the other adjectives for being boring.
BABETTE
All of the things that make you my favorite place to go when I’m scared.
ALBINA
Your safe choice.
BABETTE
My safe place.
ALBINA
I’m supposed to be helping you, and here you are making me feel like a sapphire shell.
BABETTE
Crazy that I can balance being ‘boy crazy’ and a good friend at the same time.
ALBINA
You know Charlie didn’t mean it. She’s just--
BABETTE
It’s fine. Really.
ALBINA
Oh no, I’m still in mind healer mode, no matter how many compliments you throw my way.
BABETTE
Even if I smile prettily and say I’m perfectly fine.
ALBINA
Nope, because I know how your beautiful, big brain works.
BABETTE
I don’t feel beautiful right now.
ALBINA
I think you’re beautiful, even with the frizz.
BABETTE
What?
ALBINA
That was a joke, sorry your hair is still like perfect. As usual.
BABETTE
Oh. Good. I meant I don’t feel beautiful on the inside.
ALBINA
Ok.
BABETTE
I feel ugly and angry.
ALBINA
Is there anything I could do to help?
BABETTE
I haven’t had a good old tantrum in a while.
ALBINA
Trust me, my ears and your family’s estate are aware. But I think it’s exactly what the healer would prescribe.
BABETTE
Want to move this to the bed?
ALBINA
Uh, yes. Exactly what I was thinking.
Babette jumps onto the bed and grabs a pillow. Albina grabs the cookies off the desk.
ALBINA
I stole some cookies from Castle if you want.
BABETTE
I might have taken a bottle or two of Mommy’s whiskey.
ALBINA
Ugh, a girl after my own heart. Pour it out, Princess.
Babette reaches under her bed for a bottle and two crystal tumblers. She fills both of the tumblers to the top.
ALBINA
Let the tantrum commence.
BABETTE
A princess! She hates princesses! She thinks royalty is dumb and stuck up. That’s why she’s always picking--
ALBINA
Teasing.
BABETTE
On me about wanting to marry into a royal family. Ugh I hate--
ALBINA
Babette.
BABETTE
Fine. I don’t hate her. But I am very frustrated. She lied.
ALBINA
I don’t exactly remember a time we asked her if she was copulating with the heir to the Yalsparian throne.
BABETTE
Ugh. You know what I mean. She’s made us think that she’s been on these dangerous adventures to get the book, the thing I suggested she do so if anything happened to her it would be my fault, and instead, she’s been spending her time with some floozy princess who’s country can’t even grow their own produce! How hard is it to grow sweet potatoes Albina?
ALBINA
Does this mean I can have the tea set Charlie gifted you with?
BABETTE
Albina, can you please take this seriously?
ALBINA
Am I annoyed that Charlie would rather spend her downtime with some girl that she’s only known for at most two years? Of course. But it’s her life. She can do whatever she wants. No matter what the best friend contract says.
BABETTE
You two made fun of me. But isn’t it obvious now why we needed it?
ALBINA
As I mentioned before you’re insane, and I can’t believe you made us sign it in blood. Too bad
Baby Babette didn’t have a clause about ‘floozy princesses’.
BABETTE
I was 11! I didn’t even know what that word meant. You know what would make this all easier? If the princess just vanished.
ALBINA
Uhhhhh.
BABETTE
Like her uncle.
ALBINA
That’s harsh.
BABETTE
You could probably kill her. Out of the three of us, you could get away with murder.
ALBINA
No doubt about it. But then Charlie would be sad. And I’d be the murderer of the heir apparent. But also Charlie would be sad.
BABETTE
But I’m sad now.
ALBINA
I thought you were angry.
BABETTE
And ugly.
ALBINA
Never ugly.
BABETTE
I just-- there’s so much we don’t know about Charlie. And I hate it! We used be so close. And now she fucks princesses instead of spending time with us!
ALBINA
And her new friends are ‘weird’.
BABETTE
They are, and uncouth! And I’m angry because she’s pulled away. And I’m sad because I don’t know why. So I can’t fix it.
ALBINA
It’s not up to you to fix it. Charlie is... you’re right. She’s pulled away the last year or so. And we’ve tried. And she knows we love her. And that’s all we can do.
BABETTE
That’s not the answer I wanted.
ALBINA
I know. We can either close ranks and pull away to try and shield ourselves from the hurt.
BABETTE
But then it’ll just get worse and she’ll never come back!
ALBINA
Or we can just stay where we are and just wait.
BABETTE
Just wait?
ALBINA
Yeah. But until she pulls her head out of her ass, we have each other. And I think-- never mind.
BABETTE
No, tell me.
ALBINA
I think she’s worried about what will happen after.
BABETTE
After?
ALBINA
Once we get our wish. Once you get your wish.
BABETTE
Why? I’ll finally shut up about my soulmate.
ALBINA
Exactly. You’ll have your soulmate, and what will happen to us?
BABETTE
You’ll have your greatest wish granted?
ALBINA
Babette, the first thing I knew about you was that you hated reading and that you wanted to marry a prince. And yeah, now you like reading and want to marry any royal. But you still want to leave the island. Right?
BABETTE
I guess.
ALBINA
I think Charlie is just acting out. She’s trying to leave before you can leave.
BABETTE
Oh. But what about you?
ALBINA
Charlie and I are fine, I think, because she knows I’m always going to be at the library. But you?
BABETTE
I hate when you bring logic into my emotional spirals. This wasn’t even a proper tantrum.
ALBINA
You have to keep me around for some reason.
Albina wraps her arms around Babette and squeezes.
ALBINA
If you want, I brought a book you might like.
BABETTE
Oh really?
ALBINA
Pining. Sharing a bed. Accidentally acquired child.
BABETTE
That does sound like a good read to relax my frazzled nerves.
ALBINA
So what do you say? We go back to my room? I can light those relaxing candles you like so much. We can keep playing healer.
BABETTE
You want to play healer with me?
ALBINA
Not like that!
BABETTE
Whatever you say, Albina.
Babette walks out of her room laughing as Albina follows her.
INT. HALLWAY
As Albina and Babette cross the hallway Charlie, Duncan, and Illiana appear.
ALBINA
Looks like you lost Charlie.
CHARLIE
Duncan is a cheat.
DUNCAN
I’m just that good at getting girls to take off their clothes.
BABETTE
Charming.
CHARLIE
So what are you to up to?
ALBINA
We decided to call it at night. But not without a bedtime story first.
CHARLIE
So early?
ALBINA
I’m beat. Master Case had me up pretty early.
ILLIANA
You have a master?
BABETTE
Not anymore! She’s a master herself!
ALBINA
Nah, I’ve still got a lot more to learn.
BABETTE
She’s a master three times over now.
CHARLIE
Since when?
ALBINA
This morning. Master Case wanted me to be ready for the journey. Staying safe and all that.
CHARLIE
That’s what I’m here for.
DUNCAN
And me of course. I love saving ladies in distress.
ALBINA
You can’t always be around Charlie. And it’s good to be prepared. Alright, night!
BABETTE
See y’all in the morning!
The two girls enter Albina’s room.
BABETTE (O.S.)
If you’re really aching I have some of the mint salt you love.
DUNCAN
I thought you said those two bicker like cats and dogs?
CHARLIE
They used to. Guess, I’ll follow their lead. Night guys.
Charlie steps into her room.
PLAY IT SAFE
No one’s ever given
Me the answers
And no one’s ever told me
Where to find them
I would rather choose my
Own adventure
And point my ship
At the horizon
Since I was young I learned you
Don’t rock the boat
Sink or you float ohh
You’ve to look out for yourself kid
You know that love
Will always come at a cost
And if you didn’t pay it
I bet someone else did
I’d rather play it safe
No time for chasing fate
You can’t be headed for disaster
If you’re staying in place
I like the status quo
Stick to the things I know
Life has no guarantees
I couldn’t bear to be
All alone
Life is nothing more
Than making choices
And hoping that you’re gonna
Stand behind them
Sometimes all you do
Is pick your poison
And keep the secrets
That you’re hiding
Cause when I see them I am
Broken apart
I feel it start ohh
The very moment I’m around them
I know the truth would bring it
Crashing down
The current changes and
Suddenly I’m drowning
I’d rather play it safe
No time for chasing fate
You can’t be headed for disaster
If you’re staying in place
I like the status quo
Stick to the things I know
Life has no guarantees
I couldn’t bear to be
All alone
The gods put our hearts
Inside of our chests
And just like a treasure
You have to protect
The deeper you bury it
The safer it gets
How can you fail
If you don’t take the test
I’d rather play it safe
No time for chasing fate
You can’t be headed for disaster
If you’re staying in place
I like the status quo
Stick to the things I know
Life has no guarantees
It’s not always fair you’ll see
They’re always there for me
I couldn’t bear to be
All alone